It’s hard to find words to say how I feel and it’s even harder to find an answer to the feelings and how to “fix”it… I have always struggled with the need to “have routine” and “clarity” in our family structure. And change (especially when unexpected) doesn’t come easy for me.
“I pray that God gives me strength to adapt and make the necessary changes, to overcome feelings that I shouldn’t have, and that kindness, compassion, and love would be what my heart feels instead of the stress and worry that have been with me the last several weeks.”I was reading my bible and I read this particular verse over and over. It’s words ringing true to what I know has to be done and how I should deal with everything now.
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.
~ Colossians 3:12
Sometimes, I think it is just selfish of me to not want changes to occur, even when I know they are for the good and will only in the end enrich my children’s lives in so many ways. I just need clarity and reassurance that “I“ can deal with things and handle all that is happening so quickly. And there again, the “me” factor sinks in and I start feeling the feeling of doubt and fear of what is next to come.
I know that thru it all that God has a plan. I know that he is in control at all times. I know that he has all the answers. And that I only have to turn to him for help. But sometimes, that is so much easier to think than to actually do. So many times, it seems, I struggle with just asking for help. That is where I find the wall. The wall that keeps me tied up with those feelings of depression, insecurity, doubt, and fear. All feelings that make it so difficult to adapt and handle change effectively.
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
~Galatians 6:2
I see tiny little sparkles of beauty everyday in the midst of all that is going on. I pray that God will allow me to continue to grow with compassion and grace. And continue to bless me in the midst with seeing the beauty of my children grow in compassion.
Well I think you are a most gracious host. It isn't easy and many people would not even be willing to do what you are willing to do for another. It is hard not to want things in your home to be your way. (It is your home.) I am praying for you. I know God will give you the grace you need. (You need not come under any condemnation, just remember when you surrender your feelings to God, you allow love to flow. Love is a choice of action, not a feeling. So you are loving, despite how you may feel.
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